theo_stammler

I suppose.

I'm exhausted, but I'm having a hard time sleeping. That's become the norm lately. I dislike insomnia.

Tonight, Dennis and I saw the Sundance Festival and critically acclaimed film, ( Little Miss Sunshine. )

It sounds strange, but it's very, very good. Best nine dollars I've spent on a movie in a long time.

...That's all that's happened. Work's been keeping me extremely busy. Dennis and I are okay.

Dennis forbid me from going to any of his family reunions again. I can't say I'm happy about this. I'm annoyed and irritated. Why does he want to pretend I don't exist? I didn't do anything wrong at his reunion. Have I been ostracized? Christ. I want to go, damnit. Just because I complained a little last week, doesn't mean I was completely miserable. It's fine!

One of my distant cousins has been pestering me about law or getting a job out here with the firm. Who the hell does she think I am, senior partner? I told her to consider a different profession. Law swallows lives and energy.

...I just got a call to go into work.

SHIT.

I don't really understand why the 'calm' emote is a bouncy smiling star with sunglasses. That's not how I am when I'm calm.

Anyway, I've just returned from Iowa for a McGinty family reunion. Dennis took me along to meet his Bible-thumping family in the middle of a cornfield maze. I was half-expecting to be beaten and killed by these people because I was gay. Dennis insisted that wouldn't happen, but from the little I've heard of them... I don't know. I was pretty apprehensive, no matter what.

When we finally arrived, though, I was actually treated very nicely. 'Nicely' to the point of scary.

Dennis's mother was very nice, I guess. She was a little over-the-top. I got the feeling that she was trying to emphasize how attractive I am so that I would magically change my mind about my sexual orientation. That's not very clear, is it? She was just pressing me in a way that reminded me of Aunt. She kept repeating how nice-looking I was, mentioning how I must get so many calls from women. I kept changing the subject, but it was difficult to keep off of it entirely.

His brothers weren't so kind. The oldest--Tom, I believe?--was very gruff. He didn't like me at all. The youngest brother, I can't remember his name, seemed disgusted whenever he saw me in Dennis's vicinity.

Dennis McGinty, JR. (my Dennis's father) was the most honest of them all. He was the most accepting, at least. I didn't mind exchanging a few words with him.

The children were children. They probably didn't know what a homosexual is, at their age, so they didn't have any reason to treat me differently.

On the whole, the family was nice, but it was a restrained kind of nice. Extremely awkward. I was an obvious outsider.

In any case, I have some ( photos of Dennis. )

Also, his haircut is horrible. I hate how short he cut it! He looked so much better when he was able to spike it. Hell, even he hates it. I think the baseball cap is from one of his brothers. He borrowed it to hide his awful buzzcut.

That would be about it. A Project Runway rerun is up next. I'm watching that before I get back to work.

( I have off today. )

I hate quizzes.

My middle name is: Nicholas.
I was born on: January 23, 1980.
I was born in: California Pacific Medical Center, San Francisco.
My fav. cereal: Chex.
My eye color is: Blue.
My shoe size is: Ten and a half.
My ring size is: 6
My 1st period class is: ... I've been out of high school for years.
My height is: Six feet.
I am allergic to: Pollen--the usual spring allergies.
I live in: Royal Oak.
The last book I read: Michigan Lawyer's Diary 2006. Does that count?
My bed is: ... Comfortable.
One thing I know for sure about the opposite sex is: They are difficult to understand.
One thing I would do if i was the opposite sex: Was I expected to put something like "touch my breasts" here? I wouldn't.
My last hug was: Paige. She likes hugs too much.
My last phone call: Ethan.
My last bloody nose: Sometime in the winter. I woke up to one.
My last 2 things i bought: Pens and a Calculator.
My phone provider: T-Mobile cell phone.
My favorite Holiday is: ... Thanksgiving. Not for the food, but for the lack of strange memories associated with the day.
The perfect kiss is: Slow but needy.
The last three cd's I bought are: I haven't bought CDs in a long time.
Last song that made me cry was: One Song Glory.
My most treasured possession(s) is/are: Photographs.
What did you do last night: Work, obviously. Yes. On a Saturday evening. And some downtime with Dennis.
My skin's reaction to the sun is (tan/burn): Burn.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
Easter bunny: No.
Love at first sight?: I don't think so...
Luck: Yes.
Faith?: No.
God?: Not quite. I've lost faith awhile ago.
Aliens?: There's probably SOMETHING else out there.
Heaven?: No.
Hell?: No.
Ghosts?: Depends on my mood.
Horoscopes?: I admit that I enjoy looking at them.
Soulmates?: I have to think about this one.

:::::Which is Better?:::::
Hugs or Kisses?: With a lover or with a friend? I like both, though I'm actually more receptive to kisses.
Drunk or High?: Neither.
Phone or online: Phone.
Blondes or Brunettes: Depends on the head it's attached to.
Night or Day: Night.
Oranges or Apples: Apples.
Curly or Straight hair: Straight, though I like waves.

:::::Here's What I Think About:::::
Abortion?: More Pro-Choice than Pro-Life, but selectively so. Abortion should only be used in certain situations.
Backstabber?: I'm not thrilled.
Parents?: Never knew mine, so I can't have an opinion. Doesn't matter.
School?: It works well enough.

::::Last time I::::( family doesn't count)

Kissed someone: Today.
Last time i hugged someone: Today.
Seen someone I haven't seen in a while: A year and a half ago, late April.
Finally forgave your enemies: I haven't forgiven my enemies.
Grew?: Early undergraduate years.
Who's the ditziest person I know: Lindsay.
Who makes you laugh the most: I don't laugh too much, but Paige can make me laugh. Sometimes my sister can.
One thing I'm pissed about right now is: How much work I still have to do.
The last movie I saw in the theater was: V for Vendetta.
The thing I don't understand is: Life.
The most unsatisfactory answer I've ever recieved: "He told me to."
The one thing I love about the opposite sex is: They make decent, if puzzling, friends.
This summer: I'm going to continue working. I might take a trip to Iowa with Dennis for a reunion.
Something I will really miss when I leave home: Not applicable to me.
The thing that I'm looking forward to the most: My next day off.
Tomorrow: I'm working.
Today: Was Sunday, the most relaxing day of the week.
Next Summer: Will be spent working.
Next Week: I'll be working.
People call me: Ted, Teddy.
The person I have been good friends with the longest: Paige, Cecilia if she counts.
The person/people who know the most about eggs: Chicken farmers.
The person that can read me the best is: ... Cecilia, probably.
The most difficult thing to do is: Find time to rest and feel happy.
I have gotten a speeding ticket: No.
I have the following siblings: Cecilia.
My zodiac sign is: Aquarius.
The first person I was in love with was/is: Mike.
The one person who can't hide things from me: Cecilia, I think.
Right now I am talking to: Dennis.
Is it weird to you that some numbers are missing? I'm confused.
I have/will get a job at/with: I HAVE a job with Pepper and Hamilton.
I have these pets: None at the moment.
I hope: Work slows down at some point.
The worst sound in the world: The sound of a hammer on nails.
The person that makes me cry the most: .
Sharpies or Highlighters: Highlighters.
Chicken/Beef: Chicken.
Florida or Hawaii: Hawaii.
My favorite piece of clothing is: A blue sweater.
My favorite sport(s) to play is: I'm not good at sports. Volleyball isn't too bad.
Last time I cried: Recently.
The school I go to is: I don't go to school anymore.
Last person I got pissed at: Dennis, briefly. I apologized.
My worst drinking experience was: With Paige. It was documented here somewhere.
The all-time best movie is: You can't seriously ask me to answer this question? I really like A Beautiful Mind with Russell Crowe, but there are MANY great movies out there.
The all-time best thing in the world is: Being comfortable with another person.
So, about them Canadians? Not bad. Just a hop over the Lake away. I don't understand why some people like to make fun of them.
Do you like to spam? No.
The most annoying person you know is: Lindsay.
I lose all respect for people: Like Lindsay.
My favorite place: Probably the park, when I have time to go.
My room: ... is comfortable.
My favorite celebrity is: Tom Hanks.
My weakness is: A strong mug of coffee.
What turns me on: Men. ... Dennis. Probably at least a little embarassing to him.
Broke your heart last: .
I filled out 200 questions: Evidently.
What do you regret most: There are plenty of things I regret.

A - Available?: No.
A - Age: 26
A - Annoyance: ...What is this supposed to mean? Wrinkled clothing.

B - Best Friends?: Paige, Ethan, Lianne, Christine.
B - Band: Ben Folds Five.
B - Birthday?: January 23, 1980.

C - Crush: ...I have Dennis.
C - Car: Blue 2005 Infiniti G35.
C - Cat: Don't have one.

D - Dead Pet's Name: Phish (dog); Sea Monkeys 1 through 567; Nathan (cat).
D - Dad's Name: Eric.
D - Dog: Don't have one.

E - Easiest person to talk to: Dennis.
E - Eggs: What? Scrambled.
E - Email: No.

F - Favorite color?: Blue.
F - Food: Anything Italian or Indian.
F - Foreign Language: German, French.

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: Neither.
G - God: I prefer not to have an opinion, but I don't think so.
G - Good Times: *Sigh*

H - Hair Color: Blonde.
H - Height: Six feet.
H - Happy: ... With Dennis.

I - Ice Cream: Vanilla.
I - Instrument: Piano, Guitars.
I - Idol: My late Grandfather. Tom Hanks.

J - Jewelry: Some rings.
J - Job: Trial Attorney.
J - Jokes: I've heard them before, but I won't tell them.

K - Kids: Won't happen.
K - Karate: ...What am I supposed to say in response to this?
K - Kung Fu: See above.

L - Love or lust: Love.
L - Longest Car ride: Roughly fourteen hours.
L- Lipstick or Chapstick: Chapstick.

M - Milk Flavour: ... I like my milk milk-flavored. ... I don't want chocolate or strawberry milk.
M - Mother's Name: Ada.
M - Movie Last Watched: Primer.

N - Number of Siblings: 1
N - Name of Siblings: Cecilia.
N - Name: ... My name, right? Theodore.

O - One Wish: *will not be written here*
O - One Phobia: Loneliness.
O - Otter Pop: What the hell is an otter pop?

P - Parents, are they married or divorced: Dead.
P - Part of your appearance you like best: My hair or eyes.
P - Part of your Personality you like best: My intelligence. Sensitivity sometimes ends up working in my favor.

Q - Quick or Slow?: Slow.
Q - Queen or King?: ... *snort* I have to say Queen.

R - Reason to smile: Dennis's existence.
R - Reality TV Show: Top Chef.
R - Right or Left: Left.

S - Song Last Heard: "Bohemian Rhapsody" - Queen
S - Series: Mathemetical series, television series, novel series? This is too vague. World series, maybe?

T - Time you woke up: 10:00 AM.
T - Time Now: 8:25 PM.
T - Time for bed: In a few hours.

U - Unknown: I don't get it.
U - Unicorns: Are horses with a single horn. They're in Harry Potter.
U - You are: Relaxed.

V - Vegetable you love: Spinach.
V - Vegetable you hate: Beets. I've always had a problem with them. They taste like dirt.
V - View on Politics: I'm pretty left-wing. Not a raging, crazy liberal, but left-wing and anti-George W. Bush.

W - Worst Habit: I drink a lot of coffee.
W - What's up?: A new wall decoration.
W - Wijadija: One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater?

X - X-Rays: Some superheroes have X-Ray Vision.

Y - Year you were born: 1980.
Y - Year it is now: 2006.
Y - Yellow?: Not my favorite color.

Z - Zoo Animal: Bobcat.
Z - Zodiac: Age of Aquarius...
Z - Zoolander?: I hated this movie.

Michael James Bianchi, JR
1980-2005

Dennis moved in today, the last big step of our relationship.

I hope he replaces the painful memories in this house. This will be good for us both.

It was my birthday yesterday. I'm 26 years old, now.

I feel ancient. *Sigh* And it's been a year since... ... Well, nevermind, I don't particularly want to think about it. I told myself that it's not good for me to keep thinking about it. But how can I help it at times like this? If I had stopped him when I could have, then...

Argh.

I had a good time. I went out for Spanish cuisine with Dennis, and it was delicious. He graciously paid for me and we went out for a nice little walk afterwards, it started to snow, we went home and watched A Beautiful Mind... it happens. Appropriately romantic, but I was really out of it just because of the significance of the date. My birthday isn't exactly a happy day as it might have been when I was a child, living with Aunt. I'm sorry, Dennis, if I seemed a bit distant. You know how I get.

But back to the issue at hand.

I really, really need to stop letting ghosts control my life. I have a hard time letting go, but it's about time to. Really.

It's just so...

It's been an incredibly long time since I bothered to update this thing.

In other news, I saw Brokeback Mountain. ( I wrote a short review of the film. )

Hmmm, Bruce Almighty is on. I can't stand Jim Carrey's idiotic antics. I wish he'd go out of his way to take more serious roles instead, like in Eternal Sunshine. Oh well.

There haven't been many updates in quite awhile. I've been incredibly busy at work (I may as well be working 15-hour days), and my life's started to pick up momentum. It's only at times of extreme boredom and laziness that I'll write in this thing anymore, really.

Like today, for example. I only have a few cases to work on. It's still early on a Saturday morning. I slept in.

That's enough about work.

Dennis and I went out for coffee and a movie the other day. We saw Good Night, and Good Luck in a nearly empty theater. Honestly, all I can say for this film is that I applaud George Clooney's directing and writing debut. It's worth every bit of buzz it's received. I'm hoping to see it as an Academy Award contender in January, especially in comparison to all the lackluster movies that were released this year.

I still have yet to see Capote, unfortunately, but I have high hopes for it, as well. Maybe I can convince Dennis to see it with me next week. If Dennis gives me a hard time--Lianne, Paige, Ethan, Christine, WHOEVER, give me a call if you're interested. I need to see Philip Seymour Hoffman in this role.

And after Capote, I guess I'll have to wait for Brokeback Mountain. Yes, fine, bring on the 'fairy' jokes. I'm waiting.

...I don't really have anything else to say.

Pointless quiz results, really. Some surveys.

( In case you happen to be as bored as I am. )

That would be all.

Sweet Jesus, what a day. I've been having a lot of 'those days' lately, haven't I?

So does everyone remember the jackass I ran into at the video store the other day?

Well, of course he'd show up again just to bite me in the ass. That's figuratively, not literally. He didn't actually sink his teeth into my--Right.

His name is Dennis McGinty, and he came into my office today as an expert witness, the first I've interviewed. Imagine my shock when the abrupt man I spoke to on the phone stalked in dressed in the worst color sense I've ever had the displeasure of staring at with his hair gelled to hell. ... Was that sentence really awkward, or is it just me? Whatever. I'm too tired to care. Besides, the sentence is awkward because the situation was awkward. There. That's my excuse.

Anyway.

So this guy obviously doesn't like me. He was arguing with me about every little thing! I was trying to give him a preview of how the adverse party might attack him, but all he did was insist 'That wasn't how it happened,' or 'I'm perfect and don't make mistakes.' Well... Duh. Whatever. I just want him to be prepared for possible holes in his testimony! But, somehow, despite difficulties, I managed to get him to sign his contract. He'll testify. I just need to get the rest of the paperwork ready before I really set up the interrogatories with him.

Which will be simply terrific, if today's meeting bears any significance on the future. If he argues with me on the witness stand and loses the case, I SWEAR...

If I weren't the one paying him for this, I'd demand Gattaca plus tax as retribution for the meeting.

I regret buying myself a copy at Target, now.

Today was infinitely better than yesterday, but I can't say it was a good day.

I got to work about ten minutes early to please my boss. They showed me to my office, declared me an Associate, showed me where I should hang my diplomas, assigned me a mentor (the same one I had during my internship, by the way--that would be Pete), and shoved no less than 15 files to pour over for the day. Not just glance over, mind you, I had to seriously read through them and know my cases. Some of them were originally Pete's. He expects me to complete all of the cases.

That means that I have to meet with all of these clients as soon as possible. Nevermind the fact that I'll have a continuous flow of new clients every day.

Fairly intimidating. But perhaps the firm really is 'hazing' me or 'testing' me or whatever Ethan said they were trying to do. It's a way to weed out the lazy attorneys, I suppose. I have to make it.

Anyway, my office is kind of small, but it works. I don't have any nice, big windows, and it's stuffed out of the way and to the back with an incredible view of the supply closet across the hall. I guess they won't let me have any of the larger, better offices until I'm promoted to 'Partner.' I'll just have to make do with what I'm given and... Prove myself.

Ugh.

I'm meeting with my first batch of clients tomorrow. I'll see what happens from there.

In other news, after work, I stopped by Ethan's house and promptly fell asleep on his couch sometime during the first quarter of Master and Commander. He was kind enough to offer me some wine (which I obviously rejected, considering what the hell happened the other night. Thanks, but no thanks. I've also decided to preserve Sunday morning's entry to remind myself why I should never drink heavily), but before long, I realized how exhausted I was and closed my eyes with the full intention of waking up ten minutes later.

Well, obviously, if you take a look at the time of the post, I slept for quite a few hours. I know it's nearly two o'clock in the morning, but I felt rude taking up space on Ethan's couch. Besides, I was wrinkling one of my best suits. I left.

Hope I wasn't too noisy, Ethan.

Now I'm home, I changed, I showered. It's time to get some sleep.

If I can get to sleep after that nap.

I should have realized I would have a horrible day when I woke up covered in vomit.

So after I couldn't fall back asleep, I wrenched myself out of bed, slipped on the bathroom linoleum and hit my head on the sink. After which I managed to take a successful shower, nurse the bruise on my head, and make myself a cup of coffee with little incident beyond burning my mouth with the coffee. I got two calls from Indian telemarketers and a collect call from the local prison, which I rejected and utterly hoped was a wrong number. After unsuccessfully trying to get myself to dust and clean up for the next four hours, I figured that a trip to Blockbuster to buy myself a DVD would do myself some good and possibly brighten my day. Well, at Blockbuster, some little blonde jackass took the last copy of Gattaca even though I had my hand on it first. Shoved me out of the way, snatched the DVD case out of my hands, and ran off. Practically mowed me down in the middle of the aisle and insisted it was 'his last copy.' He was so goddamn rude. And then to make matters worse, he treated me very coldly at the line to the register.

Whatever. Fuck him, I'll never see him again. I bought The Virgin Suicides, instead, because I'm lame. May as well depress myself even more. I'm too pissed off to care right now, anyway. Damn it.

Oh, yes, and before I forget, on top of all that, I went back out to the car and noticed a fresh scratch. Hell.

Days like these remind me why the hell I hate my life.

Work tomorrow. Great. Hope I can get to sleep.